QJM

My Mac and Cheese Recipe (so simple even Tony can do it)

2004-05-11T00:44:24Z

I made some Mac and Cheese for the guys last night and Aaron asked for my recipe. I decided to spread the love and put my recipe (stolen from my granny) on the blog so in case any bloggers perhaps meet someone in person they could impress them with a meal made from scratch.

Ingredients
-A brick of Sharp Cheddar Cheese (shredded) or a package of shredded cheese
-A box (16 oz)of Macaroni (most people use elbow or ziti)
-A stick of butter, softened
-A egg or two
-Can of evaporated milk (small can or two if making alot)
-Salt
-Pepper

Boil water and cook the macaroni until almost done. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Drain the macaroni and put in a big bowl. In a separate, smaller bowl softened the butter in the microwave, if needed. Pour into bowl with macaroni and stir. Shake some salt and pepper in it as well. In the smaller bowl, crack the egg (two if you are making alot of mac and cheese) and pour in the evaporated milk. Beat together and put aside. Mix most of the cheese in the bowl with the macaroni. Pour into pan. Pour the egg/milk mixture all around in the macaroni pan. Sprinkle remaining cheese on top. Bake at 350 until brown on top.

I also have a ton of information on strollers, if anyone is interested.

Hell froze over!! I am officially out of Accounting!!

2003-07-19T13:00:22Z

I gave my two week notice last Friday. My last day in Accounting hell is the 25th, a half day at that!! I can't believe the sweet, sweet Lord has finally granted me my wish to rise out of Accounting. I thought I would do a somersault, but I remembered that I do not know how. Instead, I have been telling everyone I quit and dancing in the hallways. I tried to dance on the ceiling, but I found out that only happens in 80s videos. The hard way. Anyhow, the sweet relief I feel can not be described. Thanks to chunky butt attempting to fire me, I got off my ass and made some calls. I will be working for the US OPEN as a Production Coordinator and making more in a month and a half than I would in Accounting the rest of the year!!!

I must give a shoutout to the people who made Accounting the worst job in NYC. Chunky butt, the Monkey, the greasy Russian, kiss ass Liz, and a new addition --my shark coordinator. May they enjoy the depths of Hell I will no longer be a part of. Also, a special shoutout to all my friends and people who do not know me, but read my livejournal anyway. Who knows what I will write about now?

There is going to be some kind of party, I just don't know when or where. But that scream of joy you hear on Friday will be leaving my 3rd floor office. Follow it and there will be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Or at least me shaking my ass.

By the way, I am going to be unemployed by the third week of Sept., so if you know of any jobs......

Light Skinned Lovely looking for worldy, older gent

2003-05-18T19:21:49Z

I am a tall, slender African-American Woman in her 20s who has a jones for older, sophisticated men in the entertainment industry who likes to dip in the occasional chocolate. I am not an aspiring actress, but a hot woman who likes to discuss the relevance of nudity in a film while being nude. And having sex. People have said that I have big mouth and a long tongue, I have found that it is a great asset to have to talk about the importance of Hitchcock films in American cinema with wealthy directors/producers.

I'm a classy chick to take to NOBU and I can transform into a Hunt's Point slut in the bedroom. The last director I was with said I took great direction and even said my work was "smartly done".

If your last name is Bogdanovich, De Niro, Spielberg, you are strongly encouraged to apply.
Independent directors or first-time producers need not apply.

Riding the 9/11 Horse

2002-09-10T16:59:50Z

I am so sick and tired of people, especially celebrities, abusing the 9/11 issue. I have heard people at work gripe about not getting it off; not because they are traumatized or want to volunteer, but because they are not getting another day day off to sit on their ass. Celebrities are no better. This past year some any of them have done things not out of genuine concern, but to get in some sly self-promotion. Give me a fucking break.

You know what celebrities can do for America? Start making better product so when I pay 10 for a movie or 15 for a cd, its worth it. I have gotten so sick of everyone using 9/11 in a slight way to promote themselves or their product. I don't know how many times I have heard a so-so artist talk about how a song they wrote way before 9/11 is somehow connected.

Congrats to me!!

2002-08-14T20:36:40Z

It is official: I will be a biller in Accounting indefinitely. Until I completely lose it I will have to work with my motley crew of co-workers such as monkey boss, chunky butt, greasy russian, and ewok. I look forward to growing old with this bunch and stare at spreadsheets until I go blind. The one sign of hope is that Universal is looking to sell assets, so I may be laid off one day.
At this time I would like to thank all of those who have this career plan possible:
1.The fucking recruiter who has the HR manager at CBS avoiding me
2.The HR manager at CBS who two weeks told my boss I would be leaving soon and wanted me to get the job, but now will not return my calls
3.My asshole "friend" at Time Out New York (ironically she, too, is HR manager).
4.Chunky Butt, for so many reasons.Too many to mention here. Hopefully when I am celebrating my 20th year you will finally figure out what I do.
5. Myself

Finally, everyone and anyone I have ever networked with or contacted in the past two years. With your help I have realized my true calling. Now if you will excuse me I have some spreadsheet to analyze.

Confidence?

2002-08-13T18:08:22Z

I am reading this article in the NY Times about George W. Bush trying to calm the fears of the American people about the economy woes.

"President Bush assured Americans Tuesday that his administration has a steady hand on the economy after hearing blue-collar workers and blue-chip CEOs alike voice concern about slower growth and market volatility."

Thanks George, now that you are on top of the problem I can sleep at night. I have complete confidence in a person that has never worked a day in his life or thought for himself except to decide should he buy one or two grams of coke.

Bush, speaking with a noticeably heavy Texas folksiness, replied that ``what caught my attention was all this business about confidence.'' He said one way to give investors confidence is to show them the government is serious about corporate fraud by putting criminal CEOs in handcuffs.

Yeah, when I saw the Rigas boys cuffed and going to the slammer I said to myself "That's right America, give them hell. They are going to truly suffer when they get to that minimum security prison. Wait until they have to play golf in prison garb, they will suffer like all the people who lost money in Adelphia. Wait until that ImClone guy gets there and will have to share the Directv with them in the rec room. Hell, fucking hell I say.

Bush said he brought the economists, executives and workers to Texas ``to talk about ways to get the economy moving again.''
``I can assure that even though I won't be sitting through every single moment of the seminars -- nor will the vice president -- we will look at the summaries,'' Bush told one working group.

W, you really are concerned about getting economy turned around. So much that you can't sit through a few fucking seminars. But you will get to those summaries, right? Hopefully someone will remember to write about the thousands of jobs being lost monthly. Some people may think you can't stay because of all that "business talk" might blow your mind --literally. Or you are scared that someone may ask your opinion and we all know you don't have one except for deciding on having chicken for dinner tonight. Maybe Cheney will continue the dialouge and offer some insightful advice.

Cheney sat mostly in silence during his visits to sessions on trade, technology, small business and education. ``I don't propose to make any remarks,'' he said at one point. ``I came here to listen; the best policy this morning is to sit here and soak up your wisdom.''

Never mind. You just sit and let the ticker work and soak up the wisdom. Hey, I do it at work all the live long day and that's why I am the supreme biller that I am .

By the way, how's that vacation going, prez? I hope the few seminars you went to weren't too much of a inconvenience. I guess that's why they were 1/2 hour from your ranch.

``I think it's pretty much a complete waste of time. I think the president's time would be better spent just being on vacation,'' said Bruce Bartlett, a conservative economic adviser to the first President Bush.

Who said that conservatives and liberals can't agree?

Buzz in the Afternoon

2002-08-06T18:51:29Z

I have a tip for getting through a crappy day at work and getting liquor for free!!! I went to a wine tasting at a wine shop near work. They want you to drink wine, as much as you want, and they even give you bread or fruit. It's their way of saying thanks. All you have to do is listen to shit about wine,grapes,fields, and some other bullshit. Smile and nod and say how great it tastes. For a extra effect move your plastic glass around like you are letting the bouquet open up. Who fucking cares? Its free wine!!You may have to talk to rich people who know about wine, but say you like what they like and you are set.
This day is great. Not only have I sat on my ass and have gotten paid for it, I bought some $1.99 panties, and I came back from lunch with a quality buzz. Sweet!!!

I hate Connie Ching!!!!

2002-07-22T16:46:33Z

Dear Cunt Ching:

So you think you are all big shit because Mr. VP gave you the marketing job except me? Well, fuck you. He should have picked me and he would have if you didn't come in with your fucking "work experience". I got fucking experience, life experience. You have probably had it easy and got nothing but good jobs since college, right? Where did you work before or whose dick did suck to get in this company? I hate you!! Because of you I am stuck in this crappy office trying to make it look like I am doing work. I hope he is the dick that everyone says he is and tears you a new asshole. Ching that, you fucking bitch.
You don't deserve it! I don't know you, but I know I deserve that job more than you ever will. Why, you ask? Let me tell you about a place called Billing, better known as Accounting. Have you ever been there? I bet not. I have been here festering for about 3 and half years!! Doing nothing but billing and bullshit. And on a good day explaining to my bosses, monkey and chunky butt, what the hell Billing is supposed to do. I hate this job, but not more than I hate you Connie Ching.
For now on, since I will in Billing for eternity, every time I have to hear someone call their dog or answer another dumb question from my boss I am going to wish something on you. I have already wished a broken leg and a STD, what is next?
You better hope that I never find out who you are or I am going to come up with some way to fuck with you. I have all the time in the world in Billing, so test me. If I see some Asian chick getting of on the 18th floor, your ass is mine. You are going to regret the day you got in the way of me getting out of billing.

My crappy company picnic

2002-07-19T16:02:45Z

I usually enjoy myself on these paid days off, but this year blew chunks. Hear are some reasons:

1. Having to see underage interns get jazzed because the open bar guy gave them Coronas. Also realizing that in a year or two when they graduate they will have better jobs than me in the same company and I will be in accounting.

2. Having to be stuck on a slow sailboat with some cornballs girls who obviously rarely crawl out from under their rocks.

3. Having to hear the cornballs talk the whole time about dumb girl bullshit.

4. My friend attempting to throw a cup of red wine off the moving sailboat and it flying back on my new outfit.

5. Everyone assuming that I made the mess myself.

6. One of the cornballs asking me "did the red wine come from the boat?"

7. After making a sarcastic comment to the idiot in #6, the cornballs not realizing I just insulted them.

And the best one of all:

8. The VP that interviewed with recently informing me that I did not get the job. Which means I will be in accounting until I either have a breakdown or go postal.

Highlights:
1. Free food and liquor
2. Free gym
3. A chance to see this hoochie at work freak out this gay guy by putting her honeypot in his face.

Thanks, tonyz for spreading the word of Jesus

2002-07-17T21:09:24Z

The sweetest thing just happened in my office!! Tonyz became a puppet in my plan to bother chunky butt. I got him to yell out the words "Jewish, Jesus,like, & for" in earshot of chunky butt and the slimy Russian. I believe he even said the phrase Jews for Jesus. There was a deathly silence as he said those sweet words.

Modern Bride?

2002-07-16T17:14:38Z

Something happened and it is pissing me off. My mom and dad recently went to a wedding. The people getting married are in their fifties and its a second marriage for both. I have no problem with old people finding love and making sure they are getting the goodies nightly, but the "bride" wore WHITE. Is it me or is that little absurd? I am a modern chick, I don't expect women to be virgins on their wedding days, but when your grown sons walk you down the aisle you are no longer entitled to wear white. In my opinion, women should only wear white dresses when it is their first marriage. Only off-white or pale colors are acceptable.

I am glad that I was not in attendance to this wedding. I would have laughed and snickered. Sure, my mom would have kicked my ass in the bathroom immediately afterwards, but I think society has to draw the line. And sexybeast knows when to say when.

I wrote a fan story!!!

2002-07-11T15:30:12Z

Fact of Life, circa 1985

Blair is walking around the bathroom frantic because she realized her period did not come yet. She just took an EPT test and is about to pee on the stick when…

“Blair, get out the friggin’ bathroom!! I have to take a wiz.” Jo screams.
“In a minute, bitch. I am blowing out my hair”. Blair scrambles to turn on the blow dryer.
Jo says ”If you don’t open the door right now I am going to use my brute Brooklyn strength and knock it down and then kick your ass!”

Blair comes out the bathroom, but not before she throws the EPT test and box. “Fine. I am out. Out of my way I have a catch the 10:20 to the city.”

“Fucking rich bitch”, Jo mutters under her breath while she pulls down her Hanes tighties whities. While she is fumbling for toilet tissue, she accidentally knocks Tootie’s retainer in the garbage. When she picks up the retainer the EPT test is hanging on it.

“Oh, shit. Prissy got herself knocked up! Sweet, finally I can have the garage space for my second bike. Wait I wonder if Mrs. G knows about this. Blair sure has been getting pretty tubby, it all makes sense.”

As she washes her hands, Nathalie bangs on the door.

“Did I leave my Hubba Bubba in the bathroom, Jo?” Nathalie asks.
“Leave me alone, Nat. I am trying to have a break from all you fishes.”
“Hey, is my double D bra in there? My boobs keep slapping me in the face.” Tootie inquires.
“For Christ sakes, can’t a tough broad take a shit in this place? Jo exclaims. “Fine, both of you come in here I am finished.”

When Jo leaves she knocks down the EPT instructions that Blair left on the counter.
“Hey, you forgot…” Tootie says waving the paper. “Oh, snaps!!. Nat. Do you know what this is??”
“Looks like a prego test. Who would need a prego test, no one has s-e-x. “
“Well somebody did the nasty and forgot to take the pink pills, you fat idiot.” Tootie says.
“Who?” They wonder. “It must be Jo! She is so tough and you know girls who wear no makeup are sluts.” Nathalie suggests.
“Yeah, and she is from Brooklyn.” Tootie adds. “Yeah, definitely her.” They both agree.
“We got to tell Mrs. G, she needs to know.”

They show Mrs. G the EPT test and she mutters something about what dumb bitch forgot her jimmy hats at home. Just then JO walks in.

OOOOOOOOH. You are in trouble!!” Toottie screeches.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jo asks.
“ The girls found something that may be yours. How many times do I have to tell you that pulling out is not birth control.?”Mrs G yells. “All I want is the best for you girls. I get paid to watch you bitches, not raise babies. Aiight? Don’t even think I am changing diapers or warming up milk. You can go back to the dorms for that shit. I don’t even get paid enough to live with you fuckers as is.!!”
“Mrs. G, I know I look tough and I am from Brooklyn, but I am not having sex; at least not with men. It’s not my test.” Jo explains.
“Oh, yes it is. It was in the bathroom when you left!” Tootie and Nathalie scream.
“Look, I just said I munch I don’t suck!! It ain’t my test. IF you say that agin I am going to give you a fat lip.” Jo yells.

At that moment, Blair walks in from the kitchen eating a BLT, extra mayo.

“Blair, we got to talk”, Mrs. G says concerned.
“About what? I have to go shopping at Blommie’s and I don’t want to be late. I hear they got the new Valenti's and Calvin’s in.”
“OOOOOOOOH. You are in trouble!!” Toottie screeches.

Hi, I'm still alive

2002-07-10T18:49:19Z

Hey guys,

I have nothing to say, but I wanted everyone to know that I am alive. Barely. I am in my chair listening to Neil Young and punching holes in paper. How alive is someone who has spent the day punching holes in paper or working in accounting for that matter? Am I alive? I may not be alive, someone should check on me.

You will find me draped over my desk in a wine tee and navy sailor pants next to a godiva chocolate bar.

The Highlight of My Life

2002-07-09T21:03:16Z

The one thing I have to look forward to is that I am going to see one of my favorite all-time singers, Michael McDonald, next week!! I am dragging tonyz to this show and I am going to be front and center. Its going to be great!! He better do the fucking classics like "I Keep Forgettin'" or some Doobie Brothers songs or its going to be hell up in there. I hate when great artists refuse to do their best hits because they have new material -- FUCK THAT! I wasn't around in your hey-day when your hair was more pepper than salt and coke was given out at the door. Play the songs people want to hear, namely sexybeast!!!!

Sexybeast vs. Banana Republic

2002-06-27T15:18:29Z

I may not win in life, but I definitely won today in my battle with Banana Republic. Someone was going to pay for me traveling all the way to 65 & 3 rd to find out that they put the WRONG jeans on hold. I got a manager involved and had her search stores looking for my jeans. Since she didn't get back to me in two days, I brought in customer relations. And do you know what I received for my persistence?? A free gift card and the jeans being sent to me, damn straight.
You know who is going to be looking sizzling hot in accounting hell? That's right, good 'ol sexybeast.

I am going to kill this printer!!!

2002-06-26T20:37:35Z

This printer is not working!! It was probably made when I was still in diapers and Chico and the Man was the top show. I hate it!! Without fail it jams whenever I decide to actually work. It knows me and taunts me daily. "Qiana, you think I am going to print those sheets? I don't care how many times you clear my paper jams, I am not going to work for you, billing bitch!!! It works for chunky butt and the greasy russian, but not me. And the fat bastard in IT who is in charge of it for some reason thinks I am retard. He coils and speaks slowly to me everytime we have contact. Great, I have to call his fucking fat ass and tell him nothing is printing and then we do the retard dance all over again.

Child of God

2002-06-26T19:01:14Z

Chunky butt is trying to dress a little more like a woman who is in her twenties as opposed to a 45 year old spinster whose mom picks out her clothes. The problem is she is not used to wearing sandals and just tripped two inches from my face. Now, I could have laughed out loud IN HER FACE, but I took the high road. I acted like it didn't happen. I am a saint, I really am. A fucking saint.

Nothing important

2002-06-26T18:34:23Z

I just ate $2 worth of roast beef with pearl onions and it was excellent! If I wasn't sitting at my desk with the door open I would licked the gravy out of the plastic container. Say what you will, but when animal meat is cooked just right there is nothing better in the world. Except for cake. Chocolate cake.

My Morning Dilemma , pt 2

2002-06-25T18:54:03Z

Well, folks I decided on number three, go to the meeting and then the store. I was making o.k. time, but disaster struck. Someone put the wrong item on hold for me. Vintage Burma Jean, not Stone wash bootcut, asshole!!!!!!! Now I am really late and do not have any jeans to show for it. I had to walk some more to 5th and then take a slow moving bus. I got back to work at 2:30.
I will not rest until some fucking associate puts a pair of Vintage Burma Jeans in my size in my hand!!!

My Morning Dilemma

2002-06-25T15:36:38Z

This is my issue. I put some $19.99 jeans on hold at a Banana Republic on 65 & 3rd yesterday. I work on 48&6th. If I don't pick them today they will go back to the sale rack. I would go on my lunch (1-2)and pick them up, but I am suppose to go to this meeting about backup child care.(12:30-1:30) If I get this new job then it was a waste to go to the meeting, but if I don't get it then I should know about the child care. And I can not go to the store after work. But I could always contact HR about the child care info. These are my options, you guys decide what I should do:

1. Blow off the meeting and go get my cute, cheap jeans on my lunch break.
2. Go to the meeting and cry over missing out on cute, cheap jeans.
3. Say fuck it and take a two hour lunch and go the meeting and then go to get the jeans.

Down Home Recipes

2002-06-20T16:23:42Z

My aunt's church made a cookbook of recipes from the patrons. Here are a few:
DEER
1 lb. Deer meat
1/2 cup cornmeal
pepper
1 tsp. Texas Pete
1/2 cup of flour
dash of garlic powder Italian dressing
Bacon Dripping

Soak deer in dressing overnight, drain. Mix flour, garlic, pepper, and meal.Fry in dripping. Make gravy. Serve with potatoes,biscuits, and greens.

Spoon Bread
1 cup cornmeal
1 tsp. salt
3 tsp. baking powder
4 cup of milk
4 eggs
4 tbsp. melted butter
Heat oven to 376. In large bowl mix the dry ingredients. Stir in milk, mixing well, add wee-beaten eggs in melted butter. grease a 2 quart dish well. Pour into pan and bake for 25-30 minutes or until set.

7-Up Cake
3 sticks butter, melted
3 cup of sugar
2 tsp. lemon extract
1 cup 7 Up
5 large eggs
3 cup all purpose flour
Grease and flour 9-inch pan. Mix ingredients, bake exactly 1-1/2 hour at 325. Do not open oven until done.

Tuna Salad
1 6 oz Star Kist light tuna in water
1/3 cup chopped celery
1 to 1 tbsp mayo
salt and pepper
1/3 sweet relish
1 egg (boiled)
Mix all ingredients in medium bowl.

The Downside to Country Livin'

2002-06-20T16:11:09Z

My trip to the country was going so great. I have been eating my ass off since day one, I got back on livejournal, I caught some fish, I've been sleeping until I got a headache, and my son has been spending huge amounts of time with my parents.
Everything was sweet like corn pudding until I took a walk to my Dad's place. I got curious and stepped into some grass. When I got to my Dad's he found a tick on me. A fucking tick!!! It was a small one and not the kind that spreads lyme disease, but still what the fuck? Then my Dad said if there is one there are others and they go for warm, moist places. Like my crotch. This bastard tick walked right by the back of my knee (that's another place they like) and was trying to reach my crotch, I just know it. I would have had a flaming vagina. A itching, tick infested vagina. My Dad, my country jesus, picked the tick off of me and made me take a shower with skin-so-soft. Then I had to put skin-so-soft lotion all over. My Dad had to tell me to put some on my ass and in my "special area". I never want to talk to my Dad about my special area or the crack of my ass again.
He tried to calm me down with fresh fried fish (the ones we caught Wed.) rice, and home grown tomatoes. That kind of worked, luckily he has Directv.
I haven't found anymore ticks and my Dad said I was fine, but the idea of ticks happily crawling to my crotch is completely unsettling.

Life Lessons

2002-06-14T19:35:24Z

It is a little past three o'clock (est)and I have been watching soaps for most of the day. Soap operas can teach you many things if you are open to learn from them. I choose to do so and will share my findings with you guys:

1. Never talk about your jones-ing for your mother-in-law and your past affair in a baby room equipped with a baby monitor. Do not assume just because the baby hasn't been born yet that the monitor will not be on. Your second choice wife may hear it and stumble from the news and cry one tear.

2. If a man comes into neighborhood and you have never seen him before, but your mom acts all weird when she sees him; its probably your father. Your real father. No, not that guy you look like and have been living with for years --that's a coincidence. This strange man is your father and is rich, so be happy and don't give him grief for showing up 25 years late, he thought he was someone else for 15 years. Shit happens.

3. If you lie to your girlfriend about knocking up some chick just to "do the right thing" for her even though you never touched her, she will forgive you at the prom. Just ask her to dance and she will remember the good times. Those popular kids who have been making your life hell will get their just desserts and booed out of the prom. The prom is the best moment of your life.

4. You should trust the girlfriend of your ex-husband when she finds you on your "secret trip" with the kids. She's a lawyer and they travel a lot. Believe her when she says your ex-husband is trying to kidnap the kids, especially the one he made you believe was dead because he thought it was the demon seed of a rival. Just because she hates your guts doesn't mean she is not telling the truth.

I'm back

2002-06-14T17:12:15Z

Maybe its the country air or having only five local channels on the boob tube, but I realize how much I miss livejournal and all you quirky fucks on it. I know you guys will not get offended by me using the term quirky fucks, because you are my livejournal friends and understand me completely. I promised stephenl that I would come back to livejournal and not just to post about my accounting "issues". I will most likely be posting alot out here because there is not much to do. If I am not online assume I have gone fishin'.
I am serious.

The dumb EWOK or how my job sucks dick

2002-05-21T19:27:50Z

I thought I should mention as well. This EWOK idiot knew that Cinnaho was sabotaging work before she quit. We all know this now because the bitches were writing emails to one another. They used to work two steps from each other. How fucking stupid is she? Now get this, she thinks that company emails are personal property and we have no right to look at. Wait, it gets better. MY bosses (monkey and chunky butt) know that she was a accomplice in sabotage and not only did they not fire her or reprimand her--we went out to lunch in her honor. Does that make fucking sense? I am the one who got in trouble. Chunky butt yelled at me because someone told her boss about the shit going down in the dept. How I hate this place!!! Nothing makes sense here and I can't get out!!!!!!
There is a co-worker that with the grace of sweet Jesus found another job. We wanted to take him out for lunch and the monkey said "the company doesn't pay for those types of lunches anymore".
Let me get this straight: the company can not pay for a "JOB Well Done", it rather it can pay for a lunch for "JOB Well Fucked".
A side note, we went to this pub directly across the street called "Fiddler's Green". She thought for about a week that we were going to "Tavern on the Green".